feeling just a wee bit iffy right now. all because i had to cancel on my booker for an audition.

yesterday she told me about an audition that she wanted me to go for. i didn't really want to do it because auditions are such a hassle, and it's right before my dance practice tomorrow, but she was quite pushy persuasive so i agreed, albeit reluctantly.

it's some mingling event that's happening during my teaching attachment, so i thought i could squeeze it into my schedule. after all, i'd told the agency i'll be free on weekday nights and weekends. but then today i realised that it actually clashes with orientation. which i'd thought wouldn't even enter into the equation since i was supposedly excused for the period of my teaching attachment.

so with much dread i had to tell my booker it was a no can do. i hate doing this because each time i get an earful of how i should have checked my schedule before agreeing, or how i should plan my schedule around my jcm gigs rather than vice versa... and the worst of it comes from jeffrey himself. he'd hinted right from the start that they expected me to be meek and obedient - he was telling me about problems with discipline among the girls, complaining about how some girls don't place work high enough on their priority list, and about how some girls get put into cold storage when they pull stunts.

it all really sucks. right now ehoc really is my top priority. not by choice, mind you - but with these things, once you commit yourself, you have to stay committed to the end. i wouldn't have it any other way.

but i just can't help grumbling and whining about it. i've turned down THREE gigs already because of ehoc and it's not as if i don't need the money. i'm how broke now can. and i've already stepped on so many toes at jcm - turned down three gigs without having even done my first assignment. technically i have the right to accept or reject assignments at will, but the whole rejection process is just a little too unpleasant for me.

i just don't believe in the hard approach of management, i guess. even if it's efficient - and models are made to work harder, reply promptly to booking queries, arrive on time, etc. but this whole psychological guilt trip bullshit is killing me la.

plus there are so many things that i need to get for my modelling kit. we're supposed to have a giant black tote bag with all the following:

♥ 4X swimwear - i don't own any one-piece swimsuits!
♥ 4X bikini - check
♥ 1 scarf
♥ 3 inch heels, black and white
♥ boots, black and white - i only have black boots
♥ hair/makeup kit - i've got way more than enough muahaha
♥ composite cards/portfolio - on the way
♥ sunglasses - check
♥ schedule book

it's quite a hefty getting-started cost but these are all basic items that we'll need to bring along for most gigs so i'm not really going to complain la. it's not as if i'm going to accept any swimwear gigs either so i won't have to worry about the swimwear. but it's driving me nuts looking for these items because i'm so particular about what i buy. and it's also driving me beyond the brink of bankruptcy.

where oh where is my scholarship money?!? come on moe. you can do it! it's just a simple funds transfer. -sulk-

ying @ 12:57 PM

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